Horsemen (2009) Director: Jonas Åkerlund

Horsemen is Saw, made for a TV movie. It starts off with promise - some bloody, violently extracted teeth presented on a platter in the middle of a frozen lake, with the intriguing words 'Come and see' painted on the surrounding trees. Hmm, what does it all mean?! Sadly, what could have been a cracking movie idea turns into something very tame not unsettling. That's not what we want! We want the Horsemen descending upon us - the corrupt and greedy population - to wreak havoc and gore. Or maybe that's just what I want?!

A big part of why it doesn't deliver is because it stars Dennis Quaid. That says it all really. Are we back in the 80s? No. Quaid plays Detective Aidan Breslin, a toothie ruthie specialist, hence why he's assigned to this perplexing case. Post dental nightmare, the bodies start piling up; a pregnant wife who has had her fetus removed, a contact slaughtered in his bedroom. All have been hung by some kind of bizarre torture equipment with hooks and surrounded with the words 'Come and see'.

Quaid cracks it, of course. It just comes to him. He's so expert. The killings are shadowing the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, with each killing room relating to one of the Horsemen - 'Come and see' relates to Revelations and the coming of the Apocalypse. Alright then.

The film fails here. Instead of being chilling and sinister, who the Horsemen are and the motives behind the murders they commit are lame. It turns out to be about disaffected yoof, and it all really doesn't make much sense. The ending is especially shit and doesn't give pay-off. You can't help feeling this would have been a much better film if someone like Eli Roth had taken it up.
2/5