Review: Red Scorpion (1988) Director: Joseph Zito (15)

It's a little easy to forget Dolph Lundgren when thinking of 80s/90s muscle action heroes. Schwarzeneggar, Stallone and Van Damme instantly spring to mind, but by revisiting Lundgren you remember what a bad asssss he was back then. Red Scorpion has it all (apart from gratuitous slowmo 80s action movie sex), with Lundgren getting in some great one liners and shooting stuff. It's also a big vehicle for his big ol' chest.
The plot. Now, let's remember the plot. Erm. Quite frankly, we were lost but it's something to do with Lundgren's Soviet operative Nikolai Petrovitch Radchenko being tasked with the assassination of an African rebel leader. He soon realises the African rebels are not the threat, and turns against his own aggressive army who are massacring the peaceful tribes. There's a bit of Lund roaming through the desert topless and 'finding himself' with a funny bushman, who is like his Yoda and laughs at everything silly that he does. There's also a tribal ceremony, where he has to drink some scorpion venom (or something) and then he gets a marvellous ceremonial scorpion burn scar/tattoo. THE TITLE THING INNIT.
It's all good fun, and works its way towards the end confrontation where there's some massive explosions and a man's arm is shot off. Lund is low on the vocab but cements his action status by BLOWING ALL THE SHIT UP. Sometimes that's all you need from a movie.
3/5 aaaargh, I'm covered in scorpions!