Piranha (2010) Director: Alexandre Aja

Piranha is glorious. Absolutely glorious. The beauty of this film is it knows what it is and doesn't pretend to be anything different - pure schlok horror, comedy and gory entertainment. The piranhas themselves are utterly ridiculous, comic book even, but this doesn't matter. We want chomping. We get chomping. They look like how the Gremlins look now - there is no sophistication, there is no sense of reality. They're laughable and they know it.

From start to finish, this film did not flag. Everything builds up to the Spring Break lake massacre scene. There's some great references to Jaws, Carrie and Alien - first victim is casual fisherman Richard Dreyfuss (a-ha, a-haaaaaa!), whose boat gets sucked into a whirlpool on Lake Victoria, Arizona, by a small earthquake. Mental piranhas erupt from the chasm caused by the earthquake; turns out they've been down there for over two million years. Of course!

Central to the story is porn director Derrick Jones (a hilarious Jerry O'Connell) who is using Spring Break on Lake Victoria to film a porno with Danni (Kelly Brook) and some other bit of stuff. Local resident Jake (Steven R. McQueen) gets dragged into the debauchery as a location scout for Derrick, going on-board as he wants to see some boobies. Jerry gets some of the best lines, Kelly Brook takes off all of her clothes and does some underwater naked ballet. It's her best work.

When the carnage comes, it's full on. The lake massacre is DISGUSTING and in the panic, many people get hit by speedboats, a party-goer gets chopped in half by an out-of-control cable (it exposes one of her breasts as it whips off her clothes, naturally) and Eli Roth, whose sole purpose is to hose down girls in the wet t-shirt contest, has a sticky end.

Piranha also leaves the film VERY open for a sequel. In fact, blatantly open. And yes folks, Piranha 3DD opens soon - inspired.

There is also a bit where a piranha burps up a penis. Now, if that's not comedy, I don't know what is...