Blood Creek (2009) Director: Joel Schumacher (18)

A jumbled mess, Blood Creek has potential but the over complicated plot and messy script make it fall on its bum. When you have Michael Fassbender and Henry Cavill in the mix, it’s hard to see where you could go wrong yet this is a strange little film that never gives us true scares or pay off. It’s hard to care about any of the characters or their motivations, let alone the sinister back story of Fassbender’s German professor Richard Wirth.
In 1936, Wirth visits German migrants living in West Virginia, USA; he may act all professor charming, but he’s actually after an ancient Viking runestone buried on their farm. As he is a Nazi occultist! The family, seeing his potential power, imprison him on their farm which involves human sacrifices to keep his bloodlust at bay. Still with us? We don’t blame you if you’re not…
Step forward to the MODERN DAYS, and Henry Cavill’s brother has gone missing in the woods after a camping trip. He suddenly appears three years later, long-haired and covered in scars, having been a chewy, blood-letting toy for Wirth. He encourages Evan (Cavill) to go back to the farm with some big ol’ guns to finish the family and Wirth; the family are somehow frozen in time with Fassy, so they’re not ageing either. The film then turns into a ‘cabin in the woods vs evil threat’ scenario, as the family are held captive inside whilst Wirth goes apeshit and tries to drink their blood to TAKE OVER THE WORLD outside. He kills a horse and makes it into a zombie horse, which then storms the house like an Evil Dead possessed creature. It really is trot.
The interesting bit comes at the end, when we see the potential of Evan in his future quest. And that really is about it. The rest is absurd.
It’s also kind of weird to see Fassbender playing a demonic, gross Nazi vampire thing. Creeeeeepppyyyyy.
1/5 gratuitous shots of Henry Cavill's chest
Reviewed via Spike TV